Dragon Power! FAQ

Welcome to the first ever edition of Dragon Power!, my new website where I'll be posting my ingenious musings on various topics. Most of the time I'll try to be funny, but I'm not making any promises. I thought I'd start things off light to break the ice, which can be tough here in Canada where 30-storey glaciers cover most of the land and the sun doesn't even come out between the months of January and May. That makes the internet fairly important to Canadians, which I'm fairly certain is a good tie-in for me to get back to talking about the website I was trying to introduce.

Anyway, I'd like to start with one of those "FAQs" that are ever-so-popular these days. To the unenlightened, F.A.Q. is an acronym that stands for "Frequently Asked Questions." However, since as of this writing I am the only person who is even aware of this website, no one has had a chance to ask questions about it. In fact, no questions have been asked at all, let alone be asked to a degree that could suggest frequescence. Therefore, I have had to make some last-minute, minor adjustments, and without further ado I present to you...

Furby Asked Questions

Four Furry Furbies

Just don't even bother asking, because I don't know either.

Okay, well I guess these little freaks are hosting the first article, so let's get the ball rolling. Those Furbies can get pretty feral if you don't pay enough attention to them.

Q: Seriously, what is this? This can't be a real website, they only let lawyers and doctors have those. Surely this is some form of jest!

A: I'm a frayed knot, friend. Get used to me wasting your precious internet time, because from now on this is my outlet for just ranting on and on about whatever the heck I think is funny, whether it really is or not. Perhaps I saw something on the TV that I thought was amusing. Maybe some videogame I've been playing is causing me to lift an eyebrow. Or maybe I just don't like the color of your tie. Either way, you're going to hear about it, and you're going to have to get a new tie.

Q: Why dragons?

A: A better question would be "Why the hell not dragons?!" Seriously, if you're the kind of person who is going to be doubting the appropriateness of dragons showing up willy-nilly, perhaps you should rethink your whole worldview. Where is your zest for life? Dragons make everything better. If you were going out for a night on the town, perhaps stopping by a local pub for a few brews, would it not be better to take a dragon along with you? And when you're stuck in the middle of a long shift at work, and the boss is giving you a hard time, wouldn't it be nice to just hop on the nearest fire-breathing dragon and fly off for some fantastic adventure? Think about it! Dragons bring excitement and intrigue to every situation they are in, and associating a website with one can only bring about good things.

This furry little man prompted me to look up
the proper spelling of "fuchsia," and for that I am not grateful.

Q: What makes you suited to the task of writing content for a website?

A: Besides being awarded the "Least Amount of Deoderant" award for five straight years, I have a firm grasp on reality. In fact, I have such a firm grasp on reality that I have completely strangled the life out of it. Now, the laws of physics and logic have no power over me, and I am free to hang ten on the crest of any wave of nonsense that enters my brain. I think you'll enjoy listening to me babble on and on, and if you don't, please at least feign a casual interest.

Q: Will you be hosting videos, mp3s, software, or any sorts of illegal materials on your website?

A: No, I'm afraid you're stuck with God's greatest gift to humankind: text. I can make the text fun colors if you like, and of course insert a few images here and there. Did you notice that the letters "FU" were the same color? I thought that was funny! :-P
But seriously, I don't have the webspace, the bandwidth, the desire, or the rights to harbor such acts of piracy. I enjoy downloading illegal content from others, of course, but not sharing. It's a complex moral issue, okay? It's alright when I do it, but not you.

I have no idea who this man is, but keep him
and his religious pamphlets away from me.

Q: Are you interested in a subscription to Time Magazine?

A: How did you people find me?! I told you to take my phone number off your list, damn it!! I demand to speak your manager. I'm going to sue you people for all you're worth!

Q: Will you be my friend?

A: Ah, finally a question that sounds like it was asked by a real furby. The answer is no. I hate furbies and everything they stand for. Everything about them repulses me. Their clacking jaws, their eerily human eyes, their bouncing cheques, their false prophecies... all of it!

Finally, somebody is doing what I've wanted to do for years! The look of horror and betrayal on that furby's face is pricless.
"I love you!" she cries out with her final breath... but it falls on deaf ears, and her next loving embrace will only be that of the icy hand of Death.

Q: Why do you hate furbies so much?

A: You know, I never really thought about it. It's not exactly a timely reference to be basing an article around, is it? In fact, this article didn't really have much to do with furbies, aside from the pictures. It also didn't answer a lot of questions about what's to come for future readers of Dragon Power!. Well, that's life.

Q: You are a cruel, cruel man.

A: That is not a question. And how did you know I was a man? You can see me right now, can't you... oh jeez, please don't assassinate me! I promise, next time I'll write a real article, and it'll be about something! The furby thing just sort of got out of hand, but I needed a word that started with F, and I couldn't think of anything else, except for.... oh no, you won't make me say it, will you? There may be children reading this! Oh, alright...

here it goes...

but this really is demeaning to the both of us...

FUCK!

Ah, that felt kind of good, actually. Anyway, that's it for my introduction. I hope you enjoyed it.
Tune in next time for something a little more substantial, and in the mean time stay out of trouble.

Wanna get back to the main page? Menu's at the top. Yeah, you do the work of scrolling back up there. That's how things are gonna work around here, so you better get used to it.