Dragon Power! Jack Layton VS ATM Machines

While waiting for a bus one evening, I happened to look down at a discarded newspaper on the ground. There was an article concerning Jack Layton, the leader of the New Democratic Party, and his stance on ATM machines. He was protesting the fees incurred on individuals who wish to take money out of a bank machine.

For those not in the know, here is a diagram of the average ATM machine:

This sciencey diagram represents what happens in the average ATM box. Some ATMs also contain that other Zelda guy
who's like a hand, and if you stay in one spot too long he grabs you and brings you to the start of the dungeon again. Bastard.

How it usually works, is that depending on what bank you are with, you'll normally have to circumnavigate around various obstacles and arbitrary policies in order to get at your money, should you want to spend it. Some banks give you only so many free transactions per month, and then charge you for every transaction after that. Me, though, I'm smart -- I'm with a bank that doesn't charge me any fees for anything. But whatever the case, all that holds true only if you use a bank machine owned by your specific bank. Using an ATM owned by another chain will result in both banks charging you additional fees.

“We believe it’s gouging when a person comes up and they want $40 or $60 of their cash and a bank is charging them $1.50 or $2, $2.50,” Layton was heard to say. "That’s a rate of payment which is very, very high -- and unfair."

Well, duh. Nobody likes paying the extra fees when taking their own cash out of a bank machine. The man definitely has a point that few people would argue with, and I certainly agree with him that those fees should be abolished.

However, the banks countered his views with their own statements, explaining that the fees are there as payment for a provided service. After all, banks are a business, and when you hire one to take care of your money for you, why would they do that for free? What's more, if you use another bank's ATM machine to take out money, you're not even taking out your money, in the most immediate sense. If you're not with that bank, they don't have your money at all. You're using their machine to communicate with your actual bank, so that they can give it indirectly to you. If someone came up to me and asked me to go to the bank for them and get them their money, I sure as hell would want something in return for this errand. Then again, you won't find me shedding any tears for the banks. I'm pretty sure they'd still be doing okay without charging people for use of an automated, electronic process that really didn't take any effort at all to perform. And what's more, those damn machines don't always work. I tried to take out close to $400 for rent a while back, and the machine gave me nothing, but still deducted the funds from my account. Plus the fees, of course.

Jack Layton, seen here engaged in a heated debate with an automatic teller machine.

However, despite all of these arguments, I can't escape one lingering thought that overshadows the entire issue: this must be the slowest news day in history. Was nothing at all happening in the city, or even elsewhere in the world, that would have made a more important story than this? It's hard to imagine anything more mundane than someone saying they don't like bank fees. Shame on the news!

But shame on Jack Layton as well. Don't get me wrong, I think Jack Layton is a great guy, and he has many good ideas. Heck, I voted (in vain) for the NDP last election. But ATM service charges? Am I to assume that he has already solved all of society's ills? Homelessness, unemployment, and crime are mere legends of the distant past, so now he has to fight against the lesser evils of the world? After he's through with that, perhaps he can work on erradicating the common cold, or finally stop lounge singers from being so lame and annoying.
His stance is that ATM fees are hurting working families, but I very much doubt that the impact is severe, and what's more there are ways around it. Simply do not use ATMs owned by other banks, for one, or join a bank that allows unlimited free transactions, like I have. Heck, just plan ahead, and take more than 20 frickin' dollars out at a time.

I like this quote from the Canadian Press article: "Asked if the announcement was an attempt to reconnect with 'average working family, seniors (and) young people' in light of the slipping support, Layton responded with a curt, 'No.' "

I don't know what it is about that response that cracks me up so much. I think it's because I like to imagine him giving the finger at that point in the press conference, then delivering a kick to the ATM machine, and storming off down the street into a Starbucks, where his next demonstration against the high temperature of coffee these days would begin.

Again, I repeat for the sake of emphasis: I like Jack Layton, and I like what he has to say -- but man, ATM service charges are just not very high on my Top 10 List of Pressing Social Problems. I can't blame a politician for making a public statement against them -- everyone's going to agree with you, therefore one's popularity will grow by that much. But, it's like making a public statement that the sky is blue, or that puppies are cute. "I hereby announce my stance on the cuteness of young dogs, and I find them to be most abundant in likeability!"

For interest's sake, here are my Top 10 Pressing Social Issues:

10. Rock music still littered with bands who have numbers in their name (e.g. Sum 41, Finger Eleven, Blink 182, Eve 6)
09. Gas/electric bills are far too high. I am referring to mine, specifically.
08. Too few red carpets placed down where I am about to walk.
07. Prevalence of fat girls wearing revealing outfits is becoming a problem.
06. Popularity of velociraptors over other kinds of dinosaurs (e.g. stegosaurus, parasaurolophus) is an outrage. Raptors are overrated.
05. Sun is secretly a giant, flaming, killer space orb that has been bombarding our entire planet with radiation for years.
04. The year 2000 (a.k.a. "the future") is long since passed, and yet... where are the flying cars I was promised?
03. Shortage of proof that government satellites are not watching me right now.
02. Religion still existant. Please eliminate it in a quick and tidy fashion.
01. Ampersand (&) takes too much time to draw, and should be either altered or abolished entirely. Also, get rid of cursive handwriting.

Alright, so the order of those items is a little sketchy, but they are all more important than the issue of bank fees. Mr. Layton could learn a thing or two from my keen observations.

I've run out of clever things to say for this article, so let's just end this quickly and painlessly. Goodbye.